The mirror doesn't lie
On a recent holiday with my kids — one I scrambled to organise after a last-minute change of circumstance — I caught my reflection in a shop window. And I didn’t recognise the woman staring back. She looked like she was doing hard jail time.
I was so sad. I wanted to run away from that reflection and do better for my kids.
But here’s the truth: what I saw wasn’t failure. It was the cost of carrying everything on my own — the exhaustion, the constant responsibility, the invisible labour that stretches us thin until we forget what it feels like to take up space just for ourselves. Life has a way of pulling at every corner — work, family, daily pressures — and right now, we’re all feeling how stretched it can get.
I don’t find it hard to share moments like this, because they matter. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I know how many other people are carrying the same weight quietly, often wondering if anyone else sees it.
This reflection hit me hard because it reminded me of something my clients often tell me: they don’t recognise who they are anymore. There’s a sadness in remembering the person they used to be — the confident, spark-filled version of themselves — and realising how much has been worn away by responsibilities, obligations, and constant giving.
We tell ourselves we’re “chill” or “selfless.” We prioritise peace, smooth edges, and everyone else’s comfort. But sometimes, in doing that, we erase ourselves. Our opinions, our desires, our spark.
You might notice it sneaking up on you in ways that feel almost… normal:
Choice paralysis
Even the smallest decisions can feel like climbing Everest. What to eat, what to watch, whether to say yes or no — your brain freezes because it’s been trained for years to put everyone else first. Your wants? Barely a whisper.The self-guilt trap
Taking time or spending money on yourself feels like breaking some unspoken rule. Buying new shoes for the kids? Easy. Buying something that sparks joy for you? Cue the internal debate and the endless “should I?” loop.Who is that in the mirror?
Then there’s the big one. You glance at your reflection and, for a heartbeat, you don’t recognise yourself. She’s there — but the energy, the spark, the “you” that used to shine… it’s hiding under all the exhaustion, the doing, the giving.
After that mirror moment, I thought about the people I work with. This year, more than ever, I’m seeing clients choose themselves. They pause, reflect, and invest in their own clarity and confidence — often after years of putting everyone else first. Many choose to work with me because they see themselves in these stories: the juggling, the stretching, the quiet questioning of “who am I really?”
Coaching with me is about guiding people back to themselves with clarity and purpose. I know what it feels like to be unrecognisable to yourself, worn down, and longing for the spark you used to have. Having lived it, and having seen it in others, I know how to help clients navigate that space safely, uncover what matters most, and move forward with confidence.
If you’ve ever felt lost in all the doing, all the giving, all the expectations, the best way to start finding yourself again is to ask yourself this:
If you actually let yourself do one thing, just one thing, that lights you up today, what would it be?
Forget the “shoulds” and the endless “coulds.” Those are just noise. The only thing that matters is what you would actually do — the step you would take, the spark you would allow yourself to reclaim.
This isn’t about pressure or perfection. It’s about noticing where you’ve been shrinking, and daring to take up space again — slowly, carefully, intentionally.
If you’ve ever caught your reflection and felt like you didn’t recognise the person staring back, know this: you’re not failing. You’re human. Life has stretched you so far that you may have lost touch with who you are. But the good news? That doesn’t have to be permanent.
You can redefine who you are, reconnect with yourself, and give yourself permission to take up space, prioritise your energy, and reclaim your spark on your own terms.
This weekend or next week, do one small thing just for you — no guilt, no judgement.
Your spark matters.
If this resonates and you’re ready to explore what’s next, I’d love to support you. You can book a free Connection Call — a safe space to reflect on your next steps and uncover what matters most to you.