According to who? According to you?

Want to know something that can really have an impact on your career plans? Other people’s opinion.

We might go out and actively seek those opinions, calling upon friends and loved ones to essentially make decisions for us. Other times, people may (sometimes with the best intentions) foist those opinions upon us.

Regardless which, the chatter and noise of everyone else’s opinion isn’t overly helpful and can leave you stuck in making your decision. 

With the first scenario, what we are really looking for is reassurance (or sometimes permission) – confirmation that the course of action we’d like to take is the right one.  That reassurance rarely comes because people view situations through their own lens, with their own views, experiences, preferences and biases. They will suggest the course of action they would take, and that might not be the right one for you. As well as clouding your judgment, outsourcing decision-making will reduce your confidence in your own decision-making, leaving you open to further opinion-seeking.

If this is you? Stop. Go quiet. Turn inwards. Create space for the answer to come. Look to your head and your heart, as well as your brain. What do you start to notice? People underestimate the importance of their emotional responses, and this is something I ALWAYS advise my clients to honour. That sense of relief you felt when you didn’t get invited to ‘that’ interview? It’s a message. That niggle at the back of your mind when you receive a job offer? Don’t ignore it. Other people don’t access this, and this very instinct is more important in your decision making than their opinions. By all means, check in with a trusted advisor, but use that conversation more to talk through your likely path, not ask them to make a decision for you.

The second scenario is something I am all too familiar with. When I stepped away from the world of employee engagement and workplace communications there were ripples of shock amongst my networks. Plenty of support, cheerleading and well wishing, but something of a reluctance to let me close that chapter of my career. Even now, with my coaching business well-established and booked out, I receive emails from former managers and mentors with contract opportunities or other jobs they think I would be perfect for, and while I’m touched they have my interests at heart and flattered I still come to mind, I’m just not interested. It’s not what I do anymore.

If you’ve followed my page for a while, you’ll know I often talk about limiting beliefs. You’ll be familiar with the classic example of a self-limiting belief which clearly holds you back: “I am no good at public speaking” (so you don’t volunteer willingly or you actively avoid giving speeches, presentations, your opinion in meetings and so on). You’ll probably know the example I’ve just given can be held about you by someone else: “She’s no good at public speaking” (so you aren’t given the opportunity to present at a meeting or facilitate a workshop), but did you know that the limiting beliefs you might hold about yourself or others might hold about you, aren’t always obvious? Sometimes they aren’t necessarily even negative, but they ARE limiting. 

For example, if people continue to focus on everything I excelled at in my past career, even if it is really REALLY positive (reminiscing about a great result, recommending me for similar roles, asking me why I no longer do that work and reminding me how brilliant I was at it), they aren’t accepting my decision around what it is I now do for work, which in a roundabout kind of way of sharing their opinion that I should still be doing the other thing. Which I’m not. Ever again. Because it made me miserable. And just because I’m good at it, doesn’t mean I want to do it. 

So, you might have started to share an idea about a new direction you’d like to take, or something you are exploring and received feedback like “Oh! But you are so good at project management! You’re so organised and efficient!” Or, “What! You’ve been so successful in your banking career, why would you throw that away and start over?” Well-meaning, but not helpful. 

And unfortunately, sometimes the unwanted, unasked for opinion of others might be downright unkind. It might sound like “Are you sure you’d like to become a lawyer? You weren’t that academic at school!”. I hope when you start considering what’s next in your career, this is not the type of opinion you encounter, but if it is, remember YOU get to choose who you surround yourself with.