Common career struggles for high-achieving women
My client base is full of highly skilled, highly talented, highly qualified, perfectionist and A-type women. Their ages range from 30 to 55 years, around half have kids, half don’t. They come from every imaginable professional background, from scientists to graphic designers, HR experts to lawyers, international trade experts to communications specialists. Something they seem to have in common, besides being female (and awesome)? Many of them have an inner Mean Girl standing in the way of them and feeling great about themselves and their capabilities. Their Mean Girl is incredibly harsh and critical, and typically only directed at themselves. They also tend to face some, if not all, of the following struggles:
Focusing on what went well
Before each coaching session I ask my clients a series of questions to consider (and my coach does the same to me), including ‘What's worked well since the last session?’ and ‘What wins have you had?’ Sometimes clients struggle with this. Nothing feels like a win because they haven’t achieved their overall goal: a new job; a long-term career plan; a pay-rise, promotion, or other significant event.
Last week a client returned her answers to me with ‘nothing’ under what’s worked well, yet she had secured two interviews, one of them a second interview. That sounded to me like something that was working well!
This shows up in their work too. Instead of focusing on how great something they’ve done is, they fixate on how it could have been even better or what went ‘wrong’ in an unconstructive way, i.e. instead of simply noting the learning for next time, they allow the perceived lack or ‘not enough’ to cloud what went well.
Don’t let ‘perfect’ be the enemy of ‘good’.
Celebrating success
Are you one of the many women who struggles to celebrate your success? To acknowledge the wins?
This is something I am guilty of at times too (just ask my coach!) For example, when I hit my client target for the year 2 months early, I found it hard to celebrate how huge that win was. In my mind I had to keep striving and shifting the goalposts.
Sometimes the struggle is due to the conditioning which most of us have experienced. From an early age we’re taught not to show off or boast, and once in the workplace it’s quickly drummed into us that ‘there is no I in Team’. How nuts is it that we are brainwashed into thinking we aren’t allowed to own or take credit for the amazing things we do? You’re allowed to be proud!
It’s so important to celebrate yourself along the way, and once you’ve achieved that goal. You’re far more likely to stay committed and achieve your overall goals if you acknowledge your progress along the way. And if you don’t celebrate your successes, who will?
Feeling worthy
"I could have done it even better if..."
"It’s just my job…"
"It was a team effort..."
"I was out of my depth..."
"I messed up this part…"
"I was just lucky..."
"It was nothing..."
Can you relate to this?
Ever since I can remember, I've experienced some form of imposter syndrome - from a mild case to more extreme. I’m at the stage in my life and career where for the most part I’ve got a handle on it and believe I am great at what I do, but I’d be lying if I said I never ever got those ‘fraudy’ feelings anymore.
Do you ever feel unworthy of your success, despite being skilled, knowledgeable, hardworking and capable?
If you experience feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy or self-doubt, you are probably the exact opposite of a fraud or failure. Imposter syndrome is associated with high achievers, so the chances are you are far more capable than you give yourself credit for. Real frauds don’t worry about things like this!
The first step to pushing through imposter syndrome is to recognise the signs so you can stop it before it consumes you. Practice separating your feelings from reality and focus on the facts in front of you. Chances are you got the job or promotion because of your knowledge and experience, not because you got lucky.
Switching off
In a recent coaching session, my client was telling me how weekends for her are about ‘recovering’ from the week gone by, and that she is too exhausted to enjoy the weekend in the way she’d like. I have other clients who experience such high levels of stress and burnout during the week that they are completely non-functional by Friday night.
I often talk to my clients about pulling back or dialling down slightly. If you feel like you’ve been running at 110% forever at work, scale that back to 80% for a while. (80% is still amazing in my book and more than the average worker gives!). If you’re in the market for a new job or career change, how are you going to stay the course in achieving that, when you are a nervous or exhausted wreck?
Whether your monkey mind and the incessant chatter is a result of hating your job and wishing you were working somewhere else, or down to high pressure and stress levels over a prolonged period, I highly recommend doing some work around actively switching off. Your brain and body need this, so you can perform at your best when you are *actually* meant to be switched on!
Take some time off. Revisit and redraw those boundaries. Focus on food, relaxation, hobbies, sleep, self-care, and exercise for a while. These are all things that are going to help nourish and sustain you through the hard times, but often the first things that slide when we are miserable or under pressure.